Restaurant Etiquette.

"Excuse me, how much longer are you going to be occupying this table?"

Returning to the topic of restaurant etiquette. What happens when you go to your favorite restaurant, and the table where you want to sit at is taken?

To me positioning is everything when dining out. Well, obviously, food is paramount, and some would say that company is too, and I’d say service is quite decisive, lest you be served by a careless waiter that dips his thumb in your fettucini while holding the plate; however, assuming fine food, service and company are in place, a poor table location in a restaurant can ruin the dining experience.

So what do you do when the spot you want is taken? Do you settle for another one even if you don’t like it? Do you wait indefinitely for that table to become available? Do you go to another restaurant?

Today this happened to me. I was with a friend and we really didn’t want to seat anywhere other than the nice little table, where the view of the pedestrian boulevard on which the restaurant sits was absolutely phenomenal. It was taken by a couple and we were willing to wait since it was early. But how long do you wait? I wanted to walk around and come back when the table became available. The host said that the people were eating and that she really didn’t know how long they were going to take.

I had an idea and my friend said it wasn’t a good one. For the sake of the experiment I decided to try it out. I walked to the table and I asked the couple how long they were going to take since we wanted to eat at the same table they were eating and we were willing to wait.

She, a stylish woman in her late 40's, had just stuffed a bouquet of mixed greens in her mouth, and in disbelief she looked at her male companion. This was really bad timing on my part. I should have not addressed them while any of the two were chewing. I was a little nervous, actually, and I guess that I didn’t give myself enough time to strategically plan my approach.

He stared at me and he seemed really bothered. At this point I got really nervous and I just thought of my friend waiting for me outside of the restaurant.

“My friend and I really like this table that you are eating at, and we can take a walk while you finish. I’ll give you my cell number, and if you don’t mind calling me when you are done, that will be wonderful.” I said

I still can’t believe that I spilled out such a rude request. I guess I was really anxious.

“Excuse me?” He said. He was a 50 something year old man. Sturdy built and coarse facial features.

Right then, I really wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth.

“I was just wondering how much longer you are going to take with your food.” (I really couldn’t find a kinder way to present my inquiry.)

“Well, we’ve just started,” she said clearly annoyed.

“That’s fine. I am sorry. Please enjoy your meal. We’ll find another place. By the way, for dessert, their profiteroles are absolutely delicious.”

I dropped those lines with a smile, trying to be cute and leave the scene with some sense of decency. Then he said:

“You want us to call you when we are finished?” He seemed perplexed.

“Yes, but I just realize that it’s such a weird idea, so we are going to go.”

“We can call you.” He said. "It's quite an original idea."

Now she looked perplexed.

I ended up writing for them my number on a napkin and I asked the host to add my name to the waiting list, and that we would only take that one table.

About 30 minutes later, my phone rung and he said that they had just asked for the bill.

A little bit after, we were having lunch at our favorite table.

This is something that people should be able to do, maybe not ask to be called but at least ask for the estimated time that someone plans to spend lunching or dining. My friend thinks that this is improper. I say that we are way too many people in the world and if we don’t collaborate with each other in our simple daily affairs, it's going to be hell. In any case, I don't think I am doing this again. People are not used to such a thing and it's quite embarrassing.

The food was delicious, the seating was the best, and I did order their chocolate profiteroles.