Me and the saltshaker, a happy family. My ex-boyfriend used to add salt to his food without trying it first. He would do this everywhere, eating in and eating out. At times he would complain about his mother’s cooking being too salty, needless to say, he had added salt himself. Some restaurants don’t even have saltshakers on their tables because their chefs have already seasoned the food. Take the hint?
I tried to help him see the advantages of trying the food before altering it with tons of salt but I failed. Eventually I grew curious to know, what was the rationale behind his behavior. One day towards the end of our relationship, when full frontal confrontation about stupid things was almost (completely) rewarding, I asked him as he shook the saltshaker over his food like a maraca:
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Add salt to your food before finding out first if it needs it.”
“Oh! It needs it, I like my food with salt.”
“That food already has salt.”
“I like it with more.”
I wonder why he didn’t just eat spoons of salt.
I came to the conclusion that there were no hidden traumas behind his devoid-of-all-logic behavior, just a simple belief: “I put salt because putting salt is what I do.” A sloppy assumption (all food, seasoned or not seasoned, needs to be seasoned) based probably on an isolated event, (one time the food did need more salt). I am suspecting that this is the same thinking proces as: “I feel depressed because I am depressed,” or “I can’t get up early because I can’t,” and a million other things we do just be-cause.
It amazes me how strongly restricted we can be by ourselves, and by the sloppy things we occasionally believe in. Scary, considering how little rationality we put into our thoughts at times. For example, getting up early in the morning is hard but only during the time that you lay there, debating to get up or not and repeating to yourself how tired you are. If you just get up at once, the pain is over. You are up. You may be tired again later at work, but you’ll deal with that then. Repeated mornings of fighting against our will to get up can irrefutably implant in our minds the hardness of getting up. Thus growing into a person that can’t get up early and that puts salt in his/her food.
So one day, you may find yourself in a situation less than satisfactory for your own standards but because you didn’t take a minute to stop and think about how you got there, and what your beliefs where before you got there, there you are accepting the situation. You assume it is how it is without questioning.
Try your food before shaking the saltshaker and really taste the bite until the end. Then decide. Don’t assume anything or get used to anything because the moment you do, you become numbed, which is as good as being dead.
I suggest you shake your pointless habits. Just take some action, unexpected and opposite to your assumptions.
For example:
- Get up instantly as soon as your alarm goes off, even though you are tired and assume you can’t do it.
- Go for an invigorating walk when you feel depressed, despite your assumption that your feelings need nurture and warmth underneath the sheets.
- Start dancing if you feel anger taking over you.
- Fake out a loud laugh if you feel bored.
- Smile if you don’t feel like it or scream with anger if you feel fear…
Soon you will meet a renewed attitude, for as psychologist Leon Festinger showed in his studies: behavioral change tends to happen before attitudinal change can occur.
